A small letter of Confession

Didn't mention earlier that I've moved to a new place.

Everything is nice here.

The pool is big and gorgeous, even though I don't go swim.

Tiara is still better in the aspect of security.

But here feels more like home.

Though there is a rather unfriendly housemate.

Who is a UTAR admin worker. In PB block.

That explains her coolness.

Even when you say hi right at her face, she won't greet you back.

Talk about coincidence.

I have my own room, which is the best part.

Living with my distant cousie.

Her mom & mine are very close, as both of them clarified.

I miss home.

What I love here are shopping malls, nice restaurants & cafe.

Good food and beautiful shoes.

Also good money.

Other than that, there is nothing else left for me to miss this place.

Except the unwanted memory.

What I miss in hometown are my very own home & church, & food I can't get here.

The simpleness and calmness.

Dad & mum are coming in August for convocation.

Finally I'm graduating.

Well, I can make good money there too.

But I have nowhere to spend them.

Down the drain with all my membership cards.

At least I have a very valid reason to stay here still.

The lifestyle.

I don't know how to give up Delicious, GSC, Padini, Vincci, Faceshop, Diva,

New York fish and chips, Walk In, Greenbox, Kim Gary, endless list.

and all the outlets Adeline has tempted me with.

I have another confession to make.

The distant cousie has been asking me to go to church with her.

But because of my upside down life, I'm not ready to see God.

Sometimes I'm really a perfectionist.

I want to be in good condition to see God.

Maybe some will think this is just an excuse.

But it's not.

I can't see Him unless I know I feel right enough.

I have a lot of worries which have been circling around in my head for weeks.

I have to settle them before I can go to church.

And I feel guilty not going.

I miss SIB.

I seriously need to read more books.

My writing skills has gone worse.

Gone all my inspiration.

Just when you thought

I'm one of the biggest fan of Hong Kong dramas.

Some people call this housewife's hobby.

But I disagree.

I don't care if this is the hittest hobby. Or you would call me someone with no life.

I don't watch korean or taiwanese dramas, not that I stereotype.

Arr, nevermind, no point explaining myself.

To the point.

I've just finished watching the end of one HK drama.

The Mystery of Love.

I'm going to keep this as one of my collection.

Even though they might have cried a little bit too much.

They just feel so real.

That's why I always love OST.

Maybe I'm emotional today.

I always don't let myself to cry watching movies or series.

Especially about love.

I find it very lame & typical.

I don't want to be any other girl.

But I'm still a girl after all.

The ending made my tears gushing like fountain.

Exaggerating.

But I felt really bad.

I will cry for Love.

For the loss or for the gain.

All for the heartfelt.

If it's barely unbearable.

If it's strongly felt.

If you have never been through the pain, you won't feel.

I'm moved. Because I don't know if I'll ever love again.

How will I ever feel like loving someone again?

It feels so good too that it's a good ending.

And you just imagine they're going to have a happily ever after

though you know it's not real.

I almost swore to myself I'd never talk about love in my blog.

I hate people who do that.

But you just don't deny it alright.

Love is the most powerful thing on earth.

How can you ever resist love?

Consider yourself lucky that you get a second chance.

Not many get that.

That's why I don't understand why some can let go of people they love.

Thinking they're going to be there for you forever.

I always love a quote.

Love like you've never been hurt before.

I think I need a long break.

The heartache.

The hatred.

Feels like forever.

So will Love, as I would wish.

Love like you've never been hurt before.

Love like you'll never be hurt anymore.

Something not Lasting

Got an first official full time job in life.

Working with Australian airline.

I must say, every budget airline sucks.

Wonder if Air Asia is any better.

Maybe not.

The more policies there are, the more yellings there are.

But nothing is perfect.

I just hate the tight schedule.

Anyway, I think I'm going to quit soon.

This is going to be a long self discovery road.

I hate that when things you don't want to see or know the most, they keep showing up.

Numbers, even all the states' names give me goosebumps.

I'm not proud of myself that I can remember the agent code, the state & city codes.

Even if my Geography improves.

This is where you learn to handle situations.

By learning how to lie confidently.

And what I hate most is not Price Beat Guarantee, it's when there're flight delays or cancellation.

That morning, you'll receive a lot of emails notifying every staff about them, together with all the flight numbers, origin & destination.

That is when you know it's going to be a long day.

All the mess. All the whys.

Some people just don't get it.

No matter how many times you try to explain, they don't fucking listen.

And after you got to know that S'poreans are not allowed to curse, you just wish every call is made by them.

And I'll never ever do a part time job again.

Unless they pay me by the end of the day.

Really miss home.

To forget about everything here.

Living in the same city with people who caused you pain.

It is not pleasant at all.

What you can do is imagining yourself killing them over & over again in your head.

The most brutal ways you can think of due to a hobby of watching horror movies.

Just be impressed of yourself that you can eat while watching the neck being cut off & blood panting out.

What good can it do?

They're still alive.

Then, you started praying, wishing they would meet with an accident or something.

Whatever, just die.

Pray hard squeezing your eyes wishing that day will come soon.

Then, the only thing that makes you feel better is you know their lives are messy.

And you know, they are suffering.

And you just have a feeling they're going to die soon.

This is how my optimism serves me just fine.

I have all reasons to believe that I'm being disturbed by some psycho lady

whom I met a few times while waiting for bus.

She talks to herself with weird expressions and she wears a cartoon pink watch.

She used her phone light to flash at me.

Fucking crazy bitch.

I feel like killing her as well.

Talk about anger management & self defence.

I've got a stun gun.

The Return & The Rose

Hi peeps, I'm back. For a persistent long period, I hope. Fingers crossed.

Really missed blogging. I shall begin again with one of my favourite songs lately.

Yea, I know. Many of you hate Westlife. They are such copycats, dah dah dah.

But their voices, just strike your heart. Too many times.

With love & spirit. From me. Good will.

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love it is a flower
And you, it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring, becomes the rose.