Christmas 2013

It's the time of my favourite holiday again! This year I have learned to let go of how people are abusing the meaning & spirit of Christmas, when you have non-Christians celebrating with gift-exchanging, Christmas dinner, Christmas matchmaking session or whatever they can think of.

Managed to drag him along to church this year. It's super crowded this year in church that it ran out of seats. We had to sit at the hallway staring at screen throughout the whole session. And if it's not because my MIL reminded me, I totally forgot to wish my family. Honestly, I felt bad. I completely forgot about them. I never failed to wish them every year. But come to think about it, in the meantime they didn't wish me as well. What happened to us?

Have we become hypocrites to each other? Has whatever happened created a gap or distance between us? Is he right? I feel like I don't know them anymore, or should I say, I feel like I have never known them before. Not the way he knows his parents.

The day before, he was complaining about me playing piano. I then commented that he's just like my mum who always complained that my practises are disturbing her peace. Then, he stopped & left me alone to continue. How long do I have to put up with this? That I am stuck in between. Can I no longer go home for Chinese New Year? Can I no longer call that my home? Will he alone be enough to sustain my psychological need for a family?

The open wound has been around for more than a year. This is just something I have to live with until God knows when.

I have been working extra for the company, but I realised recently this may be to no avail. Which I am currently contemplating whether I should give my all to it. As much as I enjoy what I'm doing, I start to feel that there's no point doing it when no one gives a shit or appreciates. I am not asking for anything more than a 'thank you' reply or a pat at the back. I am not the type of person who will like to take credit or shine intentionally to prove my existence or whatever shit. However, the company has been making me feel very insecure that I feel that everytime I go on leave, I will be replaced or made equal with someone who is hardly half my capability & passion towards this field. Of course, this is not based on no ground. I need to rethink my contribution wisely & make moves. Being a HOD is no easy task. A lot of readings to do to seek balance between respect, fear, hate & staff productivity.

And it's Christmas! I have been thinking if I should start letting go & forgiving someone. It is really hard. I am seriously thinking to just tell myself I am not ready & let the hatred burn inside of me for another year. I know I have been saying bad things and giving opportunity for him to piss me off, but I can't help it. I don't like to lie, I can follow all 10 commandments; but I am just not a forgiver. Of course I curse too.

Will knowing that someone is suffering make me forgive? Now where is my Christmas spirit?

Everything God does is Perfect

A page shared this on Facebook. The message is very simple, but not everyone can do it. I truly believe in this & I wish I can have the heart of the servant one day. We all need to learn. Christian or not.


A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to him;
My king, do not be discouraged
because everything God does is perfect,
no mistakes.
One day, they went hunting and
a wild animal attacked the king,
the servant managed to
kill the animal but
couldn't prevent his majesty
from losing a finger.
Furious and without showing gratitude,
the King said;
if God was good,
I would not have been attacked
and lost one finger.
The servant replied;
Despite all these things,
I can only tell you that God is
good and everything He does is perfect,
He is never wrong.
Outraged by the response,
the king ordered the arrest of his
servant.
Later, he left for another hunt
and was captured by savages
who use human beings for
sacrifice.
In the altar, the savages found
out that the king didn't had 
one finger in place, he was
released because he was
considered not "complete" to be
offered to the gods.
On his return to the palace,
he authorized the
release of his servant and said;
My friend, God was
really good to me.
I was almost killed but for lack
of a single finger I was let go.
But I have a question;
If God is so good, why did He
allow me to put you in jail?.
He replied; My king, if I had gone
with you,
I would have been sacrificed 
because I have no missing finger.


Everything God does is perfect, He
is never wrong.
Often we complain about life,
and the negative things that
happen to us, forgetting
that nothing is random,
and that everything has
a purpose.
God knows why he chose you to
receive this message today, 
please bless someone with it by sharing it. 
Everything happens for a reason, 
things do happen for the best.

Another Christmas

Without being at home, Christmas just gets more meaningless every year & I'm nearing to not feeling anything anymore. The only unchanged thing is I still feel unnamed anger when the non Christians publish their wishlist all over their social networks. The true meaning & essence of Christmas has been twisted.


It's just so stupid. People give reason to shop for Christmas, then they have Christmas special speed dating. Christmas sales & offers, that, I get it. And also people feel extra lonely & depressed when they're alone on this day.


Gosh, come on, for you non Christians, it's just another Public Holiday. Stop dropping the pathetic bomb. Grow up please, whatever age you are.


I spent this Christmas early morning in church. And even in church, it's just another service. Nothing special. Everyone was the same. No one is extra friendly or extra joyful. Maybe this is the disease that every citizen in big city has. Someone said that I chose the wrong church to go to. No comment on that.


So, during this festival, I miss home sorely. & I promised myself hard that next year I'll go home for Christmas & Thanksgiving.


Well, I'm sure everyone had fun this Christmas? How was your Christmas shopping?

A small letter of Confession

Didn't mention earlier that I've moved to a new place.

Everything is nice here.

The pool is big and gorgeous, even though I don't go swim.

Tiara is still better in the aspect of security.

But here feels more like home.

Though there is a rather unfriendly housemate.

Who is a UTAR admin worker. In PB block.

That explains her coolness.

Even when you say hi right at her face, she won't greet you back.

Talk about coincidence.

I have my own room, which is the best part.

Living with my distant cousie.

Her mom & mine are very close, as both of them clarified.

I miss home.

What I love here are shopping malls, nice restaurants & cafe.

Good food and beautiful shoes.

Also good money.

Other than that, there is nothing else left for me to miss this place.

Except the unwanted memory.

What I miss in hometown are my very own home & church, & food I can't get here.

The simpleness and calmness.

Dad & mum are coming in August for convocation.

Finally I'm graduating.

Well, I can make good money there too.

But I have nowhere to spend them.

Down the drain with all my membership cards.

At least I have a very valid reason to stay here still.

The lifestyle.

I don't know how to give up Delicious, GSC, Padini, Vincci, Faceshop, Diva,

New York fish and chips, Walk In, Greenbox, Kim Gary, endless list.

and all the outlets Adeline has tempted me with.

I have another confession to make.

The distant cousie has been asking me to go to church with her.

But because of my upside down life, I'm not ready to see God.

Sometimes I'm really a perfectionist.

I want to be in good condition to see God.

Maybe some will think this is just an excuse.

But it's not.

I can't see Him unless I know I feel right enough.

I have a lot of worries which have been circling around in my head for weeks.

I have to settle them before I can go to church.

And I feel guilty not going.

I miss SIB.

I seriously need to read more books.

My writing skills has gone worse.

Gone all my inspiration.

Human beings..not doings

by Rick Warren

Sunday, February 22, 2009 7:51 AM

You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales. 'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California.

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said: "People ask me, What is the purpose of life?" And I respond: "In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity.

We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body - but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.

God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense…

Life is a series of problems: either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.

The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.

I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:

§ If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.

§ But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her - it has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before.

I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.

Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.

Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.

Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back.

It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism?
Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better.

God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

More info about Rick Warren

http://www.rickwarren.com/about.html

A few years ago, I was like any other human being, questioning what I should do, my purpose on earth & my purpose of life, fortunately, God opened my eyes & heart & showed me. Maybe I'm just nobody, maybe I'll be nobody. Maybe my time is not here yet, but I want to believe, that my heart stays with Him forever. When I tell others I want to have a meaningful life, it's all about God, it's all because of God.

Wheel of Choices

I went to a church yesterday as invited by Jane. I was deciding hard whether to be attached. It was really hard. I don't know. I think some people would say I'm giving excuses not to go to church. But except my church in hometown, I don't like any other church. I don't think I'm finding excuses for myself.

Every time I go to a new church, I will compare it with my own church. Of course it will never feel the same but at least I want it to hit close. Hmm, so when I couldn't find a suitable one, I decided to stop trying. I thought, as long as God is in my heart, what's the big deal? So of course again, my parents beg so badly to differ.

So I went yesterday, the church wasn't so bad, the singing session- the part I like best was great, the pianist even more awesome. I think I'll need time to adapt, it's a new environment. All youths; honestly, I don't like being with so many people my age. I just can't get along with them. I know it's my problem.

Well, I've made the 1st move, I'm joining CF as well.

I'm a very slow progressor, I'm not a fan of changes, unless I'm convinced it's for the much greater good.

Lastly, just want to share a song that means a lot. Love God, guys.

We Were The Reason

As little children we would dream of Christmas morn

Of all the gifts and toys we knew we’d find

But we never realized a baby born one blessed night

Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

*We were the reason that He gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by we learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves and what that means
On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain
All because of love
All because of love

*Chorus

I finally found the reason for living
It’s in giving every part of my heart to Him (every part to Him)
And all that I do every word that I say (you know I’ll be saying)
I’ll be giving my all just for Him, for Him (every thing for Him)

We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give (all that he could give all)
To show us the reason to live

#He is the reason to live
(don’t you know do you know the reason
that he came, oh he came to save us
when he gave his life for us) he suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave everything (everything that He had He gave)
To show us the reason to live

*chorus + # together
Don’t know how I could thank Jesus all that he had all..
*chorus + # together