Christmas 2013

It's the time of my favourite holiday again! This year I have learned to let go of how people are abusing the meaning & spirit of Christmas, when you have non-Christians celebrating with gift-exchanging, Christmas dinner, Christmas matchmaking session or whatever they can think of.

Managed to drag him along to church this year. It's super crowded this year in church that it ran out of seats. We had to sit at the hallway staring at screen throughout the whole session. And if it's not because my MIL reminded me, I totally forgot to wish my family. Honestly, I felt bad. I completely forgot about them. I never failed to wish them every year. But come to think about it, in the meantime they didn't wish me as well. What happened to us?

Have we become hypocrites to each other? Has whatever happened created a gap or distance between us? Is he right? I feel like I don't know them anymore, or should I say, I feel like I have never known them before. Not the way he knows his parents.

The day before, he was complaining about me playing piano. I then commented that he's just like my mum who always complained that my practises are disturbing her peace. Then, he stopped & left me alone to continue. How long do I have to put up with this? That I am stuck in between. Can I no longer go home for Chinese New Year? Can I no longer call that my home? Will he alone be enough to sustain my psychological need for a family?

The open wound has been around for more than a year. This is just something I have to live with until God knows when.

I have been working extra for the company, but I realised recently this may be to no avail. Which I am currently contemplating whether I should give my all to it. As much as I enjoy what I'm doing, I start to feel that there's no point doing it when no one gives a shit or appreciates. I am not asking for anything more than a 'thank you' reply or a pat at the back. I am not the type of person who will like to take credit or shine intentionally to prove my existence or whatever shit. However, the company has been making me feel very insecure that I feel that everytime I go on leave, I will be replaced or made equal with someone who is hardly half my capability & passion towards this field. Of course, this is not based on no ground. I need to rethink my contribution wisely & make moves. Being a HOD is no easy task. A lot of readings to do to seek balance between respect, fear, hate & staff productivity.

And it's Christmas! I have been thinking if I should start letting go & forgiving someone. It is really hard. I am seriously thinking to just tell myself I am not ready & let the hatred burn inside of me for another year. I know I have been saying bad things and giving opportunity for him to piss me off, but I can't help it. I don't like to lie, I can follow all 10 commandments; but I am just not a forgiver. Of course I curse too.

Will knowing that someone is suffering make me forgive? Now where is my Christmas spirit?

Vacation, Work, Work, Work, Vacation

We spent a week in Bangkok in July. It was by far my favourite vacation. We literally just did whatever we felt like doing whenever we wished. I don't think I need to elaborate about the city about how inexpensive the food is and how dirt cheap the apparels & others are.

I am still happy with the company. Basically, I just do what I enjoy doing; at the same time, trying to care less about other crap.

Oh yea, I just got promoted! All this while, all my pay raise came from company hopping. So, this is the first time in my life that I have actually earned what I have worked so hard for.

Property management is no easy task. Especially with the current trend of developers building mixed commercial buildings - so you have office suites, retail units, shopping mall & residential suites altogether.

All the sleepless nights and unclaimed naps are paid for, at last. Self-motivation was very important during this period, just like the old days in university.

Someone fell from bike and ended up spending a couple of nights in the hospital end of September. Promised never to ride on bike again, the temptation is now back. Attempting to hypnotise (persuade) me to let him sit on a superbike, it is hard to resist as superbikes are cool. Anyway, it is still a NO.

Planning on more trips next year, Bali, Tokyo and Florida with pit stop at Taipei.

 It's November already and my hair is long again. Last I cut my hair was in a random saloon in Bangkok while he grabbed a pine of beer waiting for me.

Marriage life is getting better & better. He is currently in Siem Reap on his own vacation without me. Short separation does work better than newly wed in making hearts fonder! I thought I would enjoy being single for a few days. But the fact is I couldn't do it at all. Well, this is marriage - love hate relationship!

My mind is very scattered now. Can't compose full story. I shall be back when my eyes are able to open wider.

Lastly, I would like to pray that I will not lose my identity no matter how I age and how the society and company hierarchy will use their best way to distort my identity.

505 UBAH 五零五 改政府

5th May 2013 marks a remarkable day in our country's history. I see we are all united & passionate about making Malaysia a better place & getting rid of what we believe a corrupted ruling government.

Since the day the Parliament was announced to be dissolved, the nomination day, everyone has been talking about politics, parties. Everyone, as a citizen, is trying their best go raise awareness to fellow citizens that voting is our chance, our rights; that everything is related to politics and do not say you don't care. Because whatever happens will totally affect our daily lives, our future & our next generation's future, our economy, our health.

I, on the other hand, has deliberately let go of my chance, my rights. I should have gone back but I didn't. I thought that it wouldn't make any difference if I flew back because the racial ratio in my state determines we can never outrun the corrupted party. Because I thought there is no awareness in our fellow aborigines. Because I thought we couldn't make a difference. & I didn't want to waste money to buy flight ticket to go back. I then decided to vote by postal. In the end, my excuse is I was too busy till I forgot.

Well, instead of soaking myself in guilt, I am offering my prayers that in the hands of God, everything will be in place. That we must have hope that we can make a difference.

I don't know about politics. I just started to learn about all these because hubby is a journalist.

Of End, Wedding & Sight

It's April 2013. The world didn't end, so our reception could go on the very next day. I couldn't care much about losing weight or whatsoever. Because hey, it's my wedding. As long as I'm happy, I don't care what you say. It's this stupid Asian thinking that you have to look like thin tiny skeleton for you to look nice in your gown. Bah, bollocks!

3 days after reception, it was Christmas. He bought a Christmas tree because I couldn't stop asking for it. We had barbeque that night. It was fun.

Before my reception, I have changed job. Again. In a different industry, but same profession. With some add-on surprises which I only got to know after I've started working. I have just passed my probation. First time experiencing 6-months probation. Company policy. It felt forever. Hey it is half a year.

Then it was honeymoon. We went to China. Seriously no sense of belonging at all. He was the one who suggested China. & the Great Wall was really not that great. Well, I guess if you commercialise any historical place, you'll ruin it. We went to Beijing, Shanghai & Hangzhou. The food there was absolutely not anywhere near my range of acceptance. Though I have to admit, the country is really beautiful. But the people there......, I will elaborate next round. Should have just stick to Maldives. No worries, it's on our next destination list.

We bought a new house, sold the old one. Construction will complete in Jan 2015. Found a place nearby to rent until handover of new house. The developer of the renting house has done the job outrageously poor! All the problems we've had since the first day we moved in! Don't care to list out though.

It is a frustrating experience when you receive poor customer service which can't help to ease your process of shifting. My internet service provider is one, the one & only monopolising in the market. I have set my principles to never shout at them all for the sake of empathy & understanding as I am in the same field. But seriously a local similar industry has so much difference from an international one! What were they thinking when setting up the service centre? I have written to MCMC & FOMCA.

Period. Whether they decide to entertain me is another story.

Well, this is just a brief catch up. If you guys are expecting something more in-depth, sorry! I will do so in my next round. As you know, I have A LOT to say! *grin*

Till next time. Tata.