You Just Don't Know

I've been getting this a lot lately. "It's okay, Lynda won't mind." or anything similar.

It's starting to piss me off. I may not mind about small matters, but that doesn't mean I don't mind if you're being rude. When you take my stuffs without asking. When you will say anything to me & you think I don't mind. I actually do. But I smile & give it away. But that also doesn't mind I will forgive & forget. Especially when I think the hurtful words you say are intentional.

When I do you a favor, say thank you. When I say thank you, say you're welcome. When you step on my feet or drop my stuffs, say you're sorry. When you want to take my food, ask. I will give. Just because I never say no, don't assume I won't mind, for goodness' sake. When you are almost finishing my food, don't think that I don't mind.

I really suck at telling people off. I don't know how. I'll end up being weird & people will start backing off. Because before this, no one had done all these to me in my life.

I believe I can tell. With all the facial expressions & voice tones. I observe facial reactions. I believe I can still differentiate. It's too bad if I misunderstand you as trying to hurt me. But I know you don't care.

If you think how I dress up today is ugly, if you think my specs are old fashioned, if you think I'm fat, keep it to yourself. Unless you like revenge. If you think what I blog is rubbish, don't tell me too. No one asked you to read.

Don't tell me you're just joking after you make your statements with a serious tone & push yourself hard to make a smile. I can tell & I won't believe. Call me pessimistic. Call me pathetic.

I remember offensive or hurtful words best.

I know I've released too much of the "Lynda doesn't mind" aura. Until people think I don't care about anything.

"Lynda, I'm sure you'll only start your assignments the night before the submission date. You look like you don't care also." This may seem nothing but if you get to see the expression. This statement sounded so deliberated.

Don't tell me you mean no harm. You are already blacklisted.

Don't say I'm not being fair. I only conclude after experiencing a few of these for like 3 times. It's pretty obvious seeing how you treat me usually.

If I'm not important in your life & you really don't care, can you like, leave me alone?

I believe in courtesy. I won't say I've never said or done anything hurtful or rude. But I know I never meant them.

Even if I hate you. I won't waste my time trying to hurt you. I try my best to watch what I say. Just because you say you're like this, that doesn't means you can continue thinking that people will not mind. Ever thought maybe you've hurt someone very deeply & he/she can't forget what you said? Even though you know you didn't mean it..some people are born to be extra sensitive but you just don't know, you just never know what damage you've done to them.

I've experienced before. When I see the person cried confessing to me that he had been feeling hurt about what I said many years ago, that was painful for me. The damage is done. I only can hope he'll forget it. Because what I said had haunted him for so long.

I feel so insignificant lately..I hate it when people interrupt like all the time when I'm talking. Then what I say will not be bothered anymore. People seem to get so carried away with themselves. Especially when I'm telling them stuffs. Hmm, basically they just don't care what I'm saying. So I won't talk much to this certain group of people.

I'm Dororo.

No one will notice if I'm sleeping & they just come in & shout when talking when it's not even their room. Somehow, I just blend in my bed already & they don't bother to see if I'm actually there.

Conclusion, I don't gain respect from this group of people. I can see that.

All because "Lynda doesn't mind".

I just hope that people will bother to knock & see if I'm sleeping before they start to raise their voice in my room.

I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. You won't like if I do this to you too.

If I say anything hurtful, I'm sorry. I'm not expressive, that's why I'm here blogging.

This is an angry post. It's just time to release. I'm not messed up, okay?