The clock is ticking, every second nearing the dawn of a new semester.I always, won't let myself to get overexcited or overly down when having to face this sort of matters.
Now, my mood is on & off feeling down & getting neutral again, for no reason.
Then I would tell myself, it's just like any other day. No big deal at all.
Maybe it's the weather. It's conveniently extremely hot.
Spare you the rant.
These few months, is the period I feel most changes happened around me.
I feel so deeply, it's a turning point for everything.
That it's time for things to change, move on for the better or worse, but definitely for the sake of planting more & more maturity in me.
I still love going home.
Everytime I go back, there must be something at home that has been changed, replaced or added.
Now, my family & I are all very alert & scared of thieves, scared when we hear sounds from downstairs.
And our meals now are mostly vegetables & fish. I actually don't mind, because my mum is a great cook.
Carol looks like a big girl now. Compared to the 14-year-old me, she's simpler, happier, content & more matured. I'm grateful, that she did not follow my footsteps.
Selfishly, I wish she'll never grow up. I mean, I wish we can still interact with each other using the same way. That our bond and telepathy will never die out.
She's still my baby sister. So needy of my care, help & teasing. :p
At home, I'm always downstairs watching series, & she would be doing homework upstairs & then she'll go to the stairs & call for me, bugging me to go up & sleep with her.
I normally said okay, then I wouldn't go up. Out of tiredness, she would already be sleeping tightly when I finally went up.
One night, I was doing the same thing as usual, when her sleeping time arrived, my mental alarm told me something was not right as she didn't call for me. ( That was the 1st night I was downstairs, spent most time being upstairs this holiday)
So I off my laptop, went up & checked her out, she was already sleeping.
& so I was telling myself, she's grown up, she doesn't need me anymore.
Feeling a bit disappointed, but grateful too.
The next day, she told me, she did call for me, but I didn't hear her. Apparently, she was sick & she lost her voice, so I couldn't hear when she was trying her best to call me. She's still my little sis after all, but can't help thinking that she'll grow up one day. It's okay, I'll deal with that.
Of course, my brother is kind of jealous that I'm closer with her than him.
Well, we can laugh for hours non stop & do silly things every now & then.
This semester, we're moving to PD block for the final year.
Back to the one I had my foundation. It, of course, won't feel the same anymore.
No more Jaya1, & all, harder to get transportation & printing facilities.
The existence of elevators and nicer mamak stalls doesn't comfort me at all.
Looyin has moved out from K3E.
We can talk for hours starting from the tiniest insignificant topic & then extend endlessly.
We share everything together, sing, listening to songs, movies, series, problems, boyfriend issues..haha~
Who else would do all these with me?
Who else would do these as good as you do?
But I'm moving on! But not forgetting you, don't worry..haha~
Just accepting changes & changing with the changes with no alternatives at all.
But I'm happy. Content that I'm learning.
All the questions about the future, all the shoes awaiting, all the movies I'm going to miss out because of this crazy semester coming.
All the doubts of my career, all the uncertainties of stay or leave.
I'm being shown a way now..a way that I don't have to choose between God & career.
The favourite church has evolved too...getting better at some areas, but the system is still pretty much flawed and the heart of the followers are not burning as they're supposed to. Sound deadly when singing & praising, same old prayer speech for a decade. Can strongly sense that because some do not like to change, & those who can change do not bother to engage.
It's discouraging to see all these. That the church does not grow at the supposed rate with the age & time.
When the world is dying & I'm part of the reason, I let my guilt be overwhelmed by my self pleasure. & I was thinking, so what? We're going to die eventually. It's just a matter of time.
I'm not challenging my limits as a part of me still likes to be in the comfort zone.
I'm telling myself I'll change, just give me some time.
And so, all the changes are happening.
Along with Age, Period & Time....
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