The Painted Cat

Dad came home one night & woke us from our sleep. We rushed out of the house. Then, we took out a match & burnt down the house. The whole family stood staring as the flames brought down the house to ashes..

Since then, we have been moving from place to place without a house to stay in. This situation is better, said Dad. We don't have to crack our heads to think about what colour to paint the walls, what brand of paint to use, hire someone to paint or paint it ourselves, how many cans of paint would be needed, & so forth.

That is only about the paint. Dad listed tens, hundreds & thousands, of the problems that we would be able to avoid all together by not owning a house.

"But, Dad, " said one of us while we were seated inside a peanut shell. "Which address should we use for official purposes? What about school registration; which address to use? What if someone wants to send us a letter; a fan perhaps?"

We don't know why we named him Cat. Perhaps since - to the best of our knowledge - there has never been a cat called "Kucing". We spontaneously named him Cat.

Cat is bright. Not very long ago, a government department advertised an opening for the Head of Department. Word was that all the previous heads were too old & retired merely a week after being promoted to the post. So, the Government decided to hire a younger Head of Department who would last longer.

Cat applied for the job. He was called for an interview. The interviewer had no reason to deny Cat's right to apply for the advertised position. Cat seemed to fulfil each & every requirement & qualification to be the head of a government department. Indeed that was the reason why, said Cat, the Public Services Commission called him for an interview.

"We are looking for a candidate who is fluent in more than two foreign languages," said the interviewer while using a pen to circle the requirement which was indeed clearly stated in the newspaper advertisement.

Cat began to deliver a speech in Italian, German, French, Japanese & Hindi. Cat spoke about the Kinder, Kuche, Kirche - "children, kitchen, church" - concept which was implemented when Adolf Hilter ruled Germany.

Strange enough, the interview result - which was received three months later - said Cat was unsuccessful. It seems that when Cat spoke Italian, German, French, Japanese & Hindi, it sounded the same: Miew-miew-miew.

What a stupid interviewer! Doesn't he know that cats in Italy say miew-miew-miew, cats in Germany say miew-miew, cats in France say miew-miew-miew, cats in Japan say miew-miew-miew, cats in India say miew-miew-miew?

One day, we caught Cat & dumped him inside a glass container. Then, we bought a can of paint. We were not sure of the colour. We don't even recall the brand. But word was that the paint which we bought had a five-year guarantee. If used after a general election, the paint is assured to last until the next general election, five years later.

We poured the paint into the glass container containing Cat.

We let Cat soak in the paint for a few hours. Later we took him out. Of course Cat had changed colour according to the colour of the paint.

Cat told us that he was actually dead. But he was still alive, he said, because cats have nine lives.

"Miew-miew-miew," said Cat. Meaning: Take me to the government department which rejected my application to become the Head of Department.

"What for?" asked someone among us.

"Miew-miew-miew," said Cat. Meaning: Do not ask!

Cat demanded a second interview. Throughout the interview, Cat said absolutely nothing. Not even miew-miew-miew. Ten questions asked, zero answered. Hundred questions asked, none answered.

"Great! This is the sort of Head of Department we want. Mister Cat, you still have eight lives, right? So, the Government hereby appoints you, Mister Cat, as the Head of Department until you, Mister Cat, die for the eighth time," the interviewer decided.

Cat is bright. Cat made it possible for us to buy a residence by means of his salary as the head of a government department.

Cat is often referred to as the candidate with the most potential to become a prominent national leader. But the fact still remains that Cat is a cat which was once dumped into a glass container & soaked in paint - God knows what colour! - that is guaranteed to last five years only.

Dad came home one night & woke us from our sleep. We rushed out of the house. Then, we struck a match & burnt down the house. The whole family stood staring as the flames brought down Cat to ashes.


Fiction by Uthaya Sankar SB
- Translated from the Bahasa Malaysia short story, "Cat", first published in Mingguan Malaysia, 21 December 1997, by the author.
Taken from Selangor Times.