Another Christmas

Without being at home, Christmas just gets more meaningless every year & I'm nearing to not feeling anything anymore. The only unchanged thing is I still feel unnamed anger when the non Christians publish their wishlist all over their social networks. The true meaning & essence of Christmas has been twisted.


It's just so stupid. People give reason to shop for Christmas, then they have Christmas special speed dating. Christmas sales & offers, that, I get it. And also people feel extra lonely & depressed when they're alone on this day.


Gosh, come on, for you non Christians, it's just another Public Holiday. Stop dropping the pathetic bomb. Grow up please, whatever age you are.


I spent this Christmas early morning in church. And even in church, it's just another service. Nothing special. Everyone was the same. No one is extra friendly or extra joyful. Maybe this is the disease that every citizen in big city has. Someone said that I chose the wrong church to go to. No comment on that.


So, during this festival, I miss home sorely. & I promised myself hard that next year I'll go home for Christmas & Thanksgiving.


Well, I'm sure everyone had fun this Christmas? How was your Christmas shopping?

Another Reunion

Dad, mum & sis just came & left last week. Had been looking forward till I couldn't sleep the night before meeting them.
Took a week leave to go to dad's neck of the woods.
Hadn't been there for 2 - 3 years, I think. Things are more or less the same in the town area.
How weird it is that when I go back with my family, it looks like a town that I'm familiar with.
The roads, the landmarks & all.
But when I go with boyfie & family, it feels like a totally different place. As if I've never been there in my whole life.
Went for the my favourite local dishes. Galloped a glass of old town white coffee & got myself a 3-day stomach ache for that. Yes, I'm coffee intolerant. Not caffeine; I love tea. Hmm, as much as I appreciated it, it's still not worth the torture.
It's not many drops of enzymes or propolis could really help.


Dad went for high school reunion for the 1st time of his life after 30 years.
He came back around 2 a.m. It's not a regular thing, okay.
Everyone was going to sleep. So, I offered to wait for him because we didn't have spare keys for the house. Couldn't sleep in peace till he got back.
You can't be too careful.
After all, these are people you've not met for 30 years.
One day, someone just found you on Netlog & said he's your schoolmate.
They can be anyone they say they are.
But I admit I was amusingly paranoid.
Didn't tell anyone though.


The following day, dad's childhood friend, Uncle Tai took the liberty to bring us around the whole day. Breakfast, coffee break, then his neighbourhood tour. After picking us up from the mall, he decided to drive us to Kampar to pay my brother a surprise visit.
So, off we went & he was surprised. Happy to see us, sad to leave us even though he knows he's going to see us again in a while when he's going back for semester break.
Forever an emo boy!


One of the things that I really would like to shout out to humans is Stop thinking Money is more precious than Time.
I didn't realise since when I've been holding to this motto, but I'm a strong believer.
I will not line up for anything if it's going to be more than 15 minutes. Half an hour if I'm in good mood.
Queueing up for food, big bang sales, etc. is not worth any minute of my time at all.
No food has made me feel I don't mind waiting for it.
I will wait for books & people. Not free gifts or buy one free one promotion.
Believe me, I am very patient when it comes to waiting.
All thanks to my dad who always forgot to pick me up from school or tuition.
Given that there was no spare of mobile from my dad, I learned to endure the torture & enjoy the process. I mean the waiting.
Clothes - on the other hand, I would like to stay unclassified.
Of course, it all depends of the degree of likeness & the length of queue.
But in general, I would think that I can always get better ones & nice clothes will never stop being designed. So, why the rush?


When I posted "I use money to buy time", it appeared that everyone thought I spent money for shopping during free time. And I know why is that. I meant, I use money to save time. I would rather pay more to reach my destination than having to wait for an hour for the bus. I would rather go for normal price than having to queue up for some promotions. Of course, if there's no queue, I wouldn't mind. Well, why spend more if you can save? After all, my point is my priority is Time, not Money. It doesn't mean Money is not important to me. But of course, time will come when you have no choice but to choose Money over Time.


I've tendered my resignation last week while I was on leave.
I've been backstabbed for the first time at work. It felt awesome. I was pissed as I didn't like being blamed for something which was not my fault.
After a while, I just left it & didn't give a fuck.
Again, I feel pity for you. Your world can be as tiny as your dick. Or pussy.
If this is the meaning of life to you, I will let you enjoy it. I can only laugh at you, with despise.


Going to enter another phase of life. New job, new environment, I'm still excited.
Hope I won't be polluted by the numbness of the society. Just don't want to end up like any other person with no passion for work or life anymore. Robotic, meaningless life is one of my biggest fear.


I look forward to the new job. I trust things will just get better & better.
I believe in the hands of God, I am sheltered.

Petition. Repetition

I'll tell you I will start blogging more frequent & you know you won't believe me as I won't do that.
Well, noticed Wong Lai Mun said she cannot stop typing. So, I took that as a motivation.
And today, a colleague complimented. So, another motivation. *chortle*
I haven't started taking my migraine prescription.
I'm addicted to Charmed & I can't stop watching it.
Tonight I can't stop typing. It's almost 2100 & I'm still sitting here ever since I came back at 1800.
Off I go. To entertainment. Dinner first.


P/S: Any suggestion on the blog posting frequency? I'm thinking of weekly.

挥散

到目前为止，我一生中只有一个遗憾。
做了最坏的打算。我不会得到解脱。
勇气我没有，他应该也没有。
再怎么肯定自己，他都早就是个陌生人。
回忆有时真的可以谋杀。

Points

Days since last post: 74.
Let me see what I've done in this 2.4 months.
Really can't recall much. Maybe I need to rely on Facebook to trace back my trails of life?
The sky is purple now, gorgeously purple. I presume storm will come later tonight.
Okay, 2.4 months.
Obtained an obsession on a particular dessert.
Shot with a life gun. 25 bullets.
Watched Harry Potter, 7 am Arivu, can't remember the rest.
Lost some old time habits which I'm still having a hard time picking them back up - blogging, articles browsing, reading, bla bla bla.
Did farewell for Mano who went to London to study to be a LAWYER & almost swore he'll never come back if MY politics don't turn better. *eyes rolling* 
At the same time, got closer to Kuga & got to know boyfriend's childhood neighbour who worked in Salmat after I left. Small world! (Though as usual he doesn't remember
Putting in effort to go out with friends more often.
Trying to keep in mind to start Christmas shopping.
Has reassured myself how much I hate office politics & gossips. I just want a peaceful work life. I still have hopes that it's possible, hence I'll keep searching. I know it's not possible to totally cut out, but at least to the least. 
Work pressure doesn't frustrate me, but politics does!
Beginning to like my non-political colleagues.


Maybe my heart & mind will never be set for this type of world. I keep wondering how I will ever get used to all these craps? The reason why I'm so frustrated is there are so many greater concerns in this world, and you fickle-minded people are paying so much attention to these useful shits. Again, you show how worthless & pathetic you are. Not saying you must contribute something to earth or society, but I still believe karma is a bitch when you prove & show to be a despicable person whom no one wishes to respect. Everytime I look at you guys at 1730, I always wonder, by the end of the day, what do you get? By the end of this life, what do you earn?


As for me, at least I've made someone smiled today. I shared joy, I shared knowledge. It's none of my business, but I can't help feeling sorry for you guys.


Ah well, back to updates.


Found a job. Hopefully a rewarding one. Another turning point of my life.
Not sure where it'll lead me. But like everyone says, I still have time to figure out. Young at heart is all you need to be. :)
Well, if my current job proves to be more rewarding & I feel more appreciated from my superior, I would really consider to stay. But I guess, looking at the situation now & I don't think I can make things good again, I see no reason why I shouldn't leave. Boat is sinking & I've heard enough. Even if I didn't, I know this job will take me nowhere as no one is promising you any career prospect anytime soon, because I know what I see & it's not looking good at all. Don't tell me after 15 or 20 years, I can be who, who & who. You know that's not good enough. It's like telling me I'll be stagnant for 15 years. You can tell this to a 40 year-old lady, not to a 20 year-old. Unless I'm someone with no ambitions.


The reason why I can still be tough here is because I don't get influenced by anyone. I mean, influenced to be biased, gang up or turn to be like them.
I hate the persons I hate, I like the persons I like. No one can twist around & tell me otherwise.
I'm still quite bothered by how all of us just stop contacting each other after graduation.
I put effort & it's starting to feel so pointless as no one else is.
I miss so many of you. But I have a feeling you guys just don't give a damn.


Parents are going to be in town next week. Can't wait! Time to go. Till the next post.

Bits

Almost a week since I was back.
Went home for 9 days.
Dad got significantly crankier & forgetful.
I'll try to leave the latter to God & mahjong.
He came for 4 days. With his presence, I felt even more reluctant to leave home.
Especially when he kept praising how great my mum's cooking is & how relaxing my home is, even until now.
Glad to know that he loves my house. After all, it's still the best home on earth.


Okay, I'm experiencing writer's block at the moment.
Sitting in a mamak waiting for him to finish his assignment.


My life has been dull lately.
Don't think about things much ever since I started this job.
Weather is nice today. Attending wedding dinner tomorrow night.
I seldom attend weddings/dinners/ROMs.
I don't like crowds. To be precise, I don't like crowds with a whole bunch of people I don't know in them.


Believe it or not, no matter how friendly I might appear, in many scenarios - especially those you know those people will never be close & it's just a waste of time, I would rather not be in them.


An ex-coursemate gave birth to her baby this weekend. Whatsapped me to check out the pictures. Asked her of the whole process to show concern. It was, of course, & must have been unbearably painful. This is when I don't like my strong imagination.


Okay, got to go. Ciao.

Do You Love Me?

By Hannah Daly

I woke up to app vomit on my wall the other day. Twenty two posts in a row with a nauseating pink gradient filled heart paraded in front of me like a digital attack as I scrolled down. With all the drama surrounding hacking and cyberwarfare as of late, and phrases like the “Pearl Harbor of the digital age” being thrown around, my relationship with the internet is kind of on the rocks. I felt violated by this unwarranted post-a-thon happening under my name. Especially considering, on a public digital surface that calls itself mine, people I know and trust taunt me with answers to intense, personal questions, like:

What was this combination of algorithms that wrote such a strange broken poetry all over my wall, so that everyone could see? I was expected to play a game to unlock the answer to this odd inquiry? The bizarre syntax spit out of some mathematical formula was intimate, familiar, and intrusive. I was posed questions about my identity (is Hannah a terrorist?) and probed into the touchy and complex territory of relationships (do you love Hannah?).

The oddest part, and what made me carefully read through the over twenty similar boxes lining my wall, was the title of this game, or app, or whatever they call it these days:

love

Just four lower case letters, the simplicity of its visual presence ironically butting against an overdetermined connotative weight. Every way the word inserted itself into the blue and white interface was just, well, weird. Kind of mundanely haunting? Irkingly dark? Quietly offensive? I got caught in the simultaneous feeling of banal annoyance, apathetic disturbance, and paralysing intrigue. As a linguaphile and digital addict in general, I was trapped and repulsed by love’s bizarre serenade. I hesitated, soaking in the questions, for almost two and half minutes when I was asked to decide:

What was love trying to tell me? Would I miss it all together if I blocked its advances? Why was my decision about its presence couched in such absolutes: all posts? Was I sure I wanted this? Forever?

It is hard to connect, even though we are hyper-connected, through wires and across clouds. It is hard to see, even though everything is crystal clear HD or coming right at us 3D. It is hard to feel and think, even though information and commentary comes at us at hyper-speed, updated every ten seconds. Who did love really think it was, to dictate the way I deal with unanswerable questions about all those strange and beautiful emotion things? I have trouble saying “I love you” to those that I do, and figuring out how to handle the multi-faceted valences of a sticky, if oh-so-sweet thing, like this particular four letter word takes up a lot of my emotional energy. The mathematically generated questions parading under my digital identity reduced the in-real-life experience of love to box after box of post, to simplylove: a thing to unlock with a few minute twitches of an index finger, a routine series taps on matte black square keys. love managed to erase all the beauty of the real love’s contradictory presence in our lives.

I didn’t want to see more. I made a decision:

With a click, love was forever blocked, but love was not.

Another Death

Just last night, I was talking to Elizabeth, doing some flashbacks of Sidney. 
Just 10 days ago, Evon called to ask about Sidney & we caught up with each other & mentioned about Dennis. 
Just 1 week ago, I bumped into Siew Hon at KJ & mentioned about Dennis. Just because of all these, I've been thinking about those good old days I had with them & thought of him. 
And, this morning, I received a call from Jes telling me he's passed away from car accident.
I started to shiver as I haven't even recovered from what happened to Sidney. Now, this.
I had to recompose my mind & start calling everyone to break the news. 
Elizabeth thought I was joking & of course everyone whom the news was collaterally broken to went into the initial stage of disbelief & denial. 
I had to gather myself to call Evon to check on her. 
Evon was strong, knew she was trying hard to be strong.
Everyone wished this is only a really bad joke, but they knew it's just not.
And then, this memorial groups of Dennis & Sidney were started on FB. And people won't stop posting.
God, I don't want to think that someone closer is going to leave anytime. I don't know why but I know there's a purpose or reason behind all these. But please don't give me another bad news, at least not anytime soon.


I treasure all my friends. Those worth treasuring. I don't want to keep posting RIP on people's walls. Holding back my tears. All these are really heartbreaking.


Dennis, it really doesn't matter how long we've known each other. For all that I'm concerned, I cherish all the times I spent with you guys. Your smile always made me felt so warm. Just like Sidney, everyone of you is special. Unforgettably nice. I never thought work could be so much fun. Rest in peace, my friend. As carved in this post, as how it is in my heart, you'll always be in my memories.

Overwhelming Thoughts

Had migraine early this evening. The type you would feel nausea but puke nothing. The serious type that lasts very long & 4 Panadols cannot ease.

I am a bit stressed at work. Things I don't know how to settle. & I'm in another phase where I'm emo.

Sidney, I cannot bear to look at your photos anymore for the time being. I miss you a lot. Miss waiting for you at Asia Jaya & walking to office with you, miss buying breakfast with you. Miss you telling me "You know what, Lynda. Fuck it, just do whatever you want. Why do you care about anything people say, anyway?" & "My god, can you just make up your mind already?" Miss you trying so hard to annoy me, miss you pulling Elizabeth out from doing stupid stuffs. Really miss you calling me shortie. Miss your confidence, miss your "Don't give a damn" attitude.

It's just too hard to find colleagues that can be your friends & who accept you for who you are instead of bitching about you in front or at your back. Don't give me all those shit like, just because you're teasing or criticising in front of me, that gives you all the freedom to say whatever you like about me, bitch.

Called Elizabeth, did some memories recall about Sidney. Then, Jeff called. Caught up with each other's life. It's just very mysterious & surprising ways God works. Never expected he would call all of a sudden. We should do this more often kay.

Tonight has been a strange night & a good night. I guess I would try to ignore the person who asked me something really odd if I didn't take the cue wrongly. Hopefully I was wrong. He was an ex colleague. I wonder what's his deal. Nah, none of my business.

Elizabeth! How I wish I could tag you in Blogger as well. Write the letters I asked you to. I would myself generate a list of recipients. No regrets!

A Longer Weekend

When all anticipated that there would be a huge jam on Friday night, I was in the office, waiting to be picked up & spending time to complete some extra tasks.

Woke up at 10 a.m. the next morning. As far as I was concerned, though I had really no mood to especially care much about the updates, it was not like any other Saturday though I was not in the city centre. The boyfriend has joined a BB group chat, Star Bersih or something. Updates were instant, live.

I thought of giving some own thoughts on this. But I am really not in the state to comment on this & I don't even want to click on any links to watch the videos. It already feels sad enough. Okay, period.


Witnessed an engagement ceremony today. Never attended one before.
Took a day leave for this. How nice to have Monday off. Though it's not that I suffer from Monday blue.


Congratulations on the new couple! May Love be the motivation of your marriage & may nothing stops you from keep loving each other. Nights, everyone~

Long Gone

I'm back, after exactly 2 months. Had to refresh my mind on what font I have been using.
Done nothing exciting lately.
Just movies, TV series, sleep, chats, apps, articles. Lots of them.
Goosh, I don't know where to start.


Last weekend was the worst weekend this year & last year.
It's funny how you never get those "The Worst Day of My Life" shit anymore as you grow up.
Guess it's nice to get them once in a while.
Our food didn't come, he had to call the supervisor because we've asked for our food 3 times but no one got back to us.
Didn't have a satisfying Friday after work dinner.
Gone for Transformers on Saturday night. Showtime got delayed by half an hour (Definitely not something GSC would do).


Some parents these days are totally uncivilised & idiotic.
Bringing months old baby to watch Transformers? And what? Expecting it not to cry at the first 5 minutes? What the heck??!
Letting the sons shout through the whole movie without stopping them?
Not switching off the mobile no matter how many times it has rung?
Anyway, I still managed to enjoy the movie, believe it or not.


Later that night, Elizabeth whataspped me, telling me that Sidney has passed away that evening.
I'm still in disbelief now. & his cause of death is still a myth. Depression, brain tumour, some virus attack.
You know, it's really hard to make colleagues your friends. Whom you actually interact a lot outside work life & constantly catch up with each other, for of course, a period of time.


Sidney, I've missed you. I should have called when I had that thought in mind.
I don't know what happened but I prayed that you're in better place.
He's a special guy. I don't think I'll ever meet someone like him, or even close to him.
He's always so strong opinionated & telling you that you've done absolutely the right thing when you're not sure. 
We used to walk to work together, buy breakfast together.
Miss you calling me shortie, with your Brit accent.


Everytime this thing with friends dying happens, it serves a greater purpose to just keep reminding you that you have to treasure people around you more.
Show affection, show care, show who you really are & those who don't accept you, screw them.
While I'm stuck with my job, it makes me appreciate my Salmatians more.
The main reason why I think my job is crappy is all these crappy people with no life. I'm a people person (don't take it in the sense that I'm trying to say I'm friendly). What I'm trying to say is I don't like when my colleagues keep playing politics & nag like 40 year old housewives. Anyway, I've come to a point where I have, most of the time, accepted that they are just too pathetic that they have nothing better to do than picking on people.
Therefore, it just keeps knocking me in my head that I have to be different. From them.
Once it hits 5:30 pm, they are out of my sight & mind.


Okay, back to friend stuffs.
I've made it a habit especially ever since I've graduated that whenever I'm free & in the mood, I'll browse through my phones to look for a friend to call & catch up with. I want to stay in touch & not lose the friendships we've created. Right, Basil? So that there will be no regrets. 


Of course, you will still not be able to avoid lines like "I wished I was a better friend." You would never be up to your standard because you'll keep asking yourself why I didn't do this when someone is gone.


So, to those people who stop answering my calls, actually there's just this one person, I would like to let you know that, I've been missing you. I would still call you one of these days & I don't know why you suddenly decided to vanish yourself. But I might give up hope one day.
So, if you want to continue doing this, that's fine with me.


Good night, peeps! To no regrets, max, cheers!

You Should Date An Illiterate Girl

By CHARLES WARNKE

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Share link: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/dont-date-a-girl-who-reads/

Ketchup!

As usual, like I always do, after long gone.

Still stuck with my sucky job.

I still want to say, I hate corporate.

Some people are ignorant; some are rude, taking you for granted, some do not put header & greetings at the beginning & end of an email.

Some are fun to talk to, but you will not have time to do so.

Every end of the day, I just keep reminding myself that they are pathetic & they hold no space in my personal life.

When I refused to use polystyrene plate & plastic utensils, someone started calling me lame & said that I have nothing better to do. When I tried to defend myself, she just blocked me out & kept shaking her head, like she's right! What the fuck, bitch? Get out of the comfort zone, look around the world. I know you couldn't care less that the world is now full of pollution & you are hell sure that you will not make a difference. Typical selfish Chinese. Don't judge me, I'm Chinese too, doesn't mean I think my race is great! (In case some random visitors wish to comment on my statement again.)

I don't want to criticise about how you live your life. At the end of the day, I would just like to advise you to back off & mind your own business, loser.

Other than my a-piece-of-crap job, I'm perfectly happy with my life.

Bought a new phone. (Not Iphone, I'm anti)

Watched a number of movies.

Caught up with some friends who claimed they miss me.

About to delete some who couldn't care less from my life as I am still wondering why they were once considered best pals to me.

Talked about the future.
Thought about many possibilities.

Picked some tiles.

Bought some books.

Ate some fattening food.
Broke some self records.

Travelled by ERL early morning for breakfast & enjoyed it, you just don't know how good it feels to be up so early & you're in the train checking out views & listening to radio or music that you appreciate.

Made new friends.

Cracked some jokes.

Got to know some people better.

Set up more clear rules for self.

Ate some ice-creams.

Learned more about office politics.

Got to know how rich the government is.

Done less shopping.

Saved more money.

Upgraded internet speed.

Talked less.

Cursed less, though I miss. Not that I'm getting rid, it's because I have no one to do so with.
Dennise, when to go out??

Lastly, trying to improve my time management.

P.S.: Si mut cui, when will you come again?? I'm dying to go to karaoke with you! I need it!

What is War?

What is war?
Ask the young men who fight,
Men who defend the right,
Ask them - what is war?
'Honour - or death - that is war,'
Say the young men.


What is war?
Ask of the women who weep,
Mourning for those who sleep,
Ask them - what is war?
'Sorrow and grief - that is war,'
Say the women.


What is war?
By ways beyond our ken,
God tries the souls of men,
Sends retribution just,
Punishing vice and lust,
God's wrath for sin - that is war.


J. M. Rose - Troup

The Depth

Saw something that caught my eyes yesterday for a minute, then another one.
A bus especially for females, Rapid KL U82. 
The tagline is something like "More comfortable & cleaner. 
Well, as a female, I should be proud that we are being paid attention on, but I wonder which group actually asked for this until this could be made possible for implementation. 


I personally think it's a worthless execution, not only wasting money & time, I don't see the point of having this extra bus service. What I'm saying is all this effort should be used for something more worthy, instead of turning females of this country into sexists & making guys think that we are so damn narrow-minded. I'm not eliminating the possibilities that there would be molesting, staring, pickpocketing, sweat smell, & blablabla. 


Being able to stand up for women's rights is one thing, being feminist is another kay. Why don't spend the money on education or improve on the bus schedule? Or hire more cleaners to clean up the roads & drains? Or buy more recycle bins? Well, I seriously don't know how causes are being prioritised in this country.


Yea, if you're some princess, don't take bus. Take taxi, please. Taxis are smelly too. Hire a personal driver & rent a car then. Yea, some say there's definitely a reason for this. Uhuh, because the election is coming soon.


I have no say for how they allocate the source. I'm just voicing out my thoughts. I'm not talking about which ministry is responsible for any actions carried out. I'm just telling in general about how things are being allocated & how I think it's not practical. Don't come & tell me as if you're so professional & trying to sound sophisticated. It's all because you don't get what I meant. Not because you think I don't get what you say.


I'm a female doesn't mean I have to side females. I'm a Chinese doesn't mean I'll side Chinese. Call me racist, call me stereotype, I don't care. You don't have to read this if you don't like. I don't need your opinions. I don't need you to object & comment & be angry about what I reply. So what if I'm judgemental? Can you be more open-minded & just accept my opinion as it is? No one asked you to influence me & try to change how I think. Improve your EQ please. I'm not saying it's totally a bad idea, I just think the cons are bigger than the pros. Time will tell. Yea, call me extremist.


What....ever.....

Some people, their minds just can't get narrower, & they think they are so opinionated. 

What I think doesn't represent everyone else's thought. Get it? 

You don't have to get so worked up. It's okay if you don't accept, but do accept people for who they are. Instead of getting so angry & torturing yourself. 

Get out of your comfort zone please & open your eyes. 

You're not always right & I didn't say I must be right. 

I don't mind if you don't accept, but I do when you're making a big fuss out of it. 

For me, you're immature & simple-minded. & so full of yourself. Remember, you started this. & lastly, I despise your shallowness & am laughing at it. Please grow up. For our age, I'm way ahead of you.

JUST ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE. DON'T OVERREACT, PLEASE.

IT'S NOT HEALTHY & RATIONAL.

The Painted Cat

Dad came home one night & woke us from our sleep. We rushed out of the house. Then, we took out a match & burnt down the house. The whole family stood staring as the flames brought down the house to ashes..

Since then, we have been moving from place to place without a house to stay in. This situation is better, said Dad. We don't have to crack our heads to think about what colour to paint the walls, what brand of paint to use, hire someone to paint or paint it ourselves, how many cans of paint would be needed, & so forth.

That is only about the paint. Dad listed tens, hundreds & thousands, of the problems that we would be able to avoid all together by not owning a house.

"But, Dad, " said one of us while we were seated inside a peanut shell. "Which address should we use for official purposes? What about school registration; which address to use? What if someone wants to send us a letter; a fan perhaps?"

We don't know why we named him Cat. Perhaps since - to the best of our knowledge - there has never been a cat called "Kucing". We spontaneously named him Cat.

Cat is bright. Not very long ago, a government department advertised an opening for the Head of Department. Word was that all the previous heads were too old & retired merely a week after being promoted to the post. So, the Government decided to hire a younger Head of Department who would last longer.

Cat applied for the job. He was called for an interview. The interviewer had no reason to deny Cat's right to apply for the advertised position. Cat seemed to fulfil each & every requirement & qualification to be the head of a government department. Indeed that was the reason why, said Cat, the Public Services Commission called him for an interview.

"We are looking for a candidate who is fluent in more than two foreign languages," said the interviewer while using a pen to circle the requirement which was indeed clearly stated in the newspaper advertisement.

Cat began to deliver a speech in Italian, German, French, Japanese & Hindi. Cat spoke about the Kinder, Kuche, Kirche - "children, kitchen, church" - concept which was implemented when Adolf Hilter ruled Germany.

Strange enough, the interview result - which was received three months later - said Cat was unsuccessful. It seems that when Cat spoke Italian, German, French, Japanese & Hindi, it sounded the same: Miew-miew-miew.

What a stupid interviewer! Doesn't he know that cats in Italy say miew-miew-miew, cats in Germany say miew-miew, cats in France say miew-miew-miew, cats in Japan say miew-miew-miew, cats in India say miew-miew-miew?

One day, we caught Cat & dumped him inside a glass container. Then, we bought a can of paint. We were not sure of the colour. We don't even recall the brand. But word was that the paint which we bought had a five-year guarantee. If used after a general election, the paint is assured to last until the next general election, five years later.

We poured the paint into the glass container containing Cat.

We let Cat soak in the paint for a few hours. Later we took him out. Of course Cat had changed colour according to the colour of the paint.

Cat told us that he was actually dead. But he was still alive, he said, because cats have nine lives.

"Miew-miew-miew," said Cat. Meaning: Take me to the government department which rejected my application to become the Head of Department.

"What for?" asked someone among us.

"Miew-miew-miew," said Cat. Meaning: Do not ask!

Cat demanded a second interview. Throughout the interview, Cat said absolutely nothing. Not even miew-miew-miew. Ten questions asked, zero answered. Hundred questions asked, none answered.

"Great! This is the sort of Head of Department we want. Mister Cat, you still have eight lives, right? So, the Government hereby appoints you, Mister Cat, as the Head of Department until you, Mister Cat, die for the eighth time," the interviewer decided.

Cat is bright. Cat made it possible for us to buy a residence by means of his salary as the head of a government department.

Cat is often referred to as the candidate with the most potential to become a prominent national leader. But the fact still remains that Cat is a cat which was once dumped into a glass container & soaked in paint - God knows what colour! - that is guaranteed to last five years only.

Dad came home one night & woke us from our sleep. We rushed out of the house. Then, we struck a match & burnt down the house. The whole family stood staring as the flames brought down Cat to ashes.


Fiction by Uthaya Sankar SB
- Translated from the Bahasa Malaysia short story, "Cat", first published in Mingguan Malaysia, 21 December 1997, by the author.
Taken from Selangor Times.

The Pathetic

Now, even though I have to work on Thaipusam, that wouldn't be the pathetic part.

Most probably I get to leave work earlier because I'm only attending training. And then, I get to claim an extra day in my annual leave! Okay, enough about me.

Took the bus to work today. Was rushing to catch the bus. The unpredictable bus schedule.

Though was walking with a fast pace, you'd manage to catch a few pictures. Like those healthy taking the elevator especially made for the disabled. It's made specifically clear. So what if there are no disabled people around? It's designed just for them. All the buttons are in braille! & you'll see the priority zone in buses are all taken by young fit people. Well, the sadder thing is those who are being categorised don't even know their rights.

Whose responsibility is it to create awareness? Who will be in charge to implement & change these people's attitude?

Bought a mug for Stephanie as a gift, also a token of gratitude. I feel guilty everytime seeing her using polystyrene cup every single to drink her coffee. Kill 3 birds with 1 stone. :) Many birds, in fact.

A previous poll in The Star showed statistics about how much M'sians are willing to pay for every extra plastic bag they consume. I voted for 30 cents to 1 Ringgit. Of course, predictably, more than half voted for FOC. & some preferred sticking with 20 cents. Another sad case. I'm not saying I wouldn't use plastic bag at all, because I know it's unavoidable. Hey, there are food which only come in plastic packaging! But within your capability, you know you can minimise the usage of it.

I don't know about you. I'm very concerned of the world's end. Not from the religious point of view, but human. Doesn't matter which religion you believe in. Unless you are some pathetic guys who just don't fucking care.But besides them, who can bear to see the sufferings before the light at the end of the tunnel finally shimmers before your sight? The flood in parts of Aussie which is stated as being the worst in one or two centuries. The massive change of climate all over the world. The diseases, the mind corruption of human beings. 

And one day, Malaysia would snow? That would be a remarkable moment. Well, at least you get to see some historical scenes before you leave. Who knows? Maybe it's just another humongous climate change & then the fittest will survive. Like how it wiped out dinosaurs & cockroaches got to live. Then, I would really like it wipes out cockroaches this time. Any other votes? Ahh, rats would be another choice.

A Day to Remember Always

Nah, I kind of set a rule to myself that I will not talk about relationship & love in my blog.

At least, minimising it to the max.

Well, I will discuss it in general. What I mean is my own love life.

So, I've given you a huge honour kay!

So, let's start with four years ago....

Nah! Crazy, it's a hell long time!

I'll just say four years ago, this day, I said yes to this person to be my guy.

We both took the day off to celebrate.

He took me to somewhere that I still don't know the area.

Where we could see the night view of KL.

Fetched me from work, drove me all the way from PJ to KL, then to don't know where.

& he acted like he took the wrong road & we were lost.

Then he drove into a dark road. Going up the hill & there wasn't even a street light at all.

When we reached, I told I needed to go to the washroom.

& he said we had to take a U turn to go down the hill.

He took the parking ticket & said to go out from the other side.

While inside, he saw a washroom & so he parked the car & asked me to go.

When I came out, he said, "Since we're here, let's go up & see what's up there."

Before the staircase, I told him, "You know, if I'm smart, I would think that you planned all these."

He ignored me & we started the long walk.

Actually not that long, just about 70 steps & we're there.

When we sat down & the menu were put on our table, he passed one to me first, then himself. I looked at him & just smiled. Then he said, "What? I can be romantic also okay!"

We had a big fight the night before.

We rarely fight these days, but when we do, I can't imagine what you're going to break next time. :p

Back to the dinner.

And so, I told him that he will only be extra sweet & romantic on three days every year.

Which are the anniversary, Valentine's & my birthday.

For that, I am grateful enough. Rarity is preciousness kay.

But he's good enough on normal days.

The only concern I have that we would run out of ideas of celebrating our anniversaries.

Of course, as every old couple would say, I believe, after a certain amount of years,you'll be grateful enough & all these won't matter so much anymore as long as you know you're always with each other.

Then, we went back & you found The Tourist DVD & you wanted to watch it.

And so after showering, we lied on the couch & the 1st 10 minutes, I fell asleep in your arm. & this morning, you were showing off your present to your mum. I'm glad you like it. If not, I swear I'll break you into halves! Haha~

And then, I spent the whole day in your living room sneezing & watching TV with you. & the first time you saw me driving without making so much noise. :p

Today was just simple & I feel happy enough.

Your mum seemed worried that I don't want to step into marriage life with you. 

I know we'll turn out just fine.

Happy 4th anniversary, honey!

11.01.2011